Where did it go???

Where did all the romance in the world go??

I’ve been watching a lot of comedy romance movies lately, which being a single woman, is probably the worst thing I could ever do.

And yes, I am still single! I’m beginning to think Repo Man will never commit. Which, yeah, it’s only been a short while, but we’ve been acting like a couple. I thought. I guess not. He was talking about women just up and stopping all communication with him. Well, I think it might of been a little bit him.

Right now I guess we’re just friends with benefits. And I fucking hate that. I don’t want that. At all. And yet it’s what I’m doing. But let me talk about another guy, and Repo Man’s feelings get all hurt. Ya wanna own me like a boyfriend but ya don’t want the title. Not working for me.

And I know this post is probably another that’s going to hurt me rather than help me. But damn it I have feelings. And I just can’t say all this shit to him. Idk he kinda has this my way or high way thing about him. Although he has never said that or anything to the similar.
He really is a good guy. He’s just not my guy. And it’s bugging me.

Back to the romance thing. Where is the giddy infatuation you see in all of these movies?? The needing, the wanting, the thinking of each other until it drives ya crazy. Just not feeling it. Me and Repo Man are comfy together. But I don’t think he’d sing in the rain over me any time soon. Or write a love song. Or show up with flowers any time soon either.

And that is another thing. Another topic we hit on on our date. Past bitches ruining it for future girlfriends. One girl he use to see got sick, he sent her flowers, she quit talking to him the next day. So when I got sick all I got was a “feeling any better?” Two days later. WTF? I love flowers, I even press some, definitely take pictures and flood instagram and Twitter with them, with huge credit and I haven’t got any in omg I don’t know how long. Because past bitches fucked it up. I also enjoy card, stuffed animals won out of claw machines and fairs. Still nothing. Because all the past girlfriends messed it up.

I’m sure everyone has had a thing that a boyfriend/girlfriend won’t do that you enjoy because of their past girlfriends/boyfriends messed up on.

The first like 3 months are supposed to be the wooing months. And I just feel like I’m griping and clawing to hold on. I don’t want to feel like this. I want to feel safe and secure. Not that I’m one in a race of many for something that won’t be there in a few months.

I associate everything with songs. I want to feel like a love song. One of the fast ones that get you excited. Like “love you like a love song”, or some other song that I just don’t have in my head or heart right now. Yeah, I don’t have a song for me and Repo Man. And I’m lost. I’ve always had a song, for everyone. Everything. And there just aren’t any. And that again makes me grip and claw.

Where did the romance go? Do I deserve it? I see people much younger and older get it.

Why not me?

See You Later Space Cowboy…