O m g Becky look at her butt, it is so BIG!

My tits have been trying to pop out of this shirt all day! Idky but they have been. Other than that absolutely nothing has happened in the last week. I went out Sunday and that has been it.

I am talking, just talking to about 3 guys. None have seemed to knock my socks off. One is Vamp. Y’all know him. The one other is just a friend. He’s great when I have a computer problem and a text buddy when I am bored out of my mind. I guess since me and him have friend zoned each other he doesn’t count. And another started out with a bang. He was sweet, texting me all the time, and now it’s kinda dying down. And one more just asked for my number today. So I guess four. And also there is a maintenance guy for my apartment building that seems really nice.

And here is the thing with me. Online and in texts I say whatever comes to mind. And I ask out guys and show no shame. In person….. complete different story. For the maintenance guy, I had talked to him 3 different times before the other day. And I was not smooth at all. Lol. I small talked for the longest time and then I was like “hey, do you wanna hang out sometime?” And he said sure and that was it. So I’m guessing he’s not that into me.

And I guess that’s it. Other than all the normal vanilla stuff that has been going on my life is dull.

Hey quick thing. My facial tissues are latex free.

That’s good to know. Even though I never knew facial tissues had latex.
Yay?

See, I’m so bored I’m reading my Kleenex box.

I don’t have anything planned until Friday. And I don’t know who it will be with. 3 have asked. I haven’t told anyone anything yet.

And I haven’t slept with any of these guys. Last guy I slept with was Repo Man. And that’s because I thought we were going places. I don’t know where I’m going with any of these other guys.

Having a Charlotte moment again.

See You Later Space Cowboy…

Seriously, w t f?

Yeah. The shit I went through today. I’m just bout done.

Back story first. I have been seeing Vamp, but like with Repo Man, he hasn’t wanted to be set. Also he cancelled on me today, this other guy, oy, running outta names, um, call him One, because he will only be making one appearance in my blog. Anyway One wanted to get together today so, why not?

So we meet at the mall and walk and talk around for a little. He seems nice. The mall was closing so we started to go somewhere to eat, on the way there he does a turn around and pulls into a gas station. He pulls up to another car and yells hey to the guy at the pump. Well I guess the guy at the pump was kinda pissed at One. He came up to him screaming. I guess One was this guys current girlfriends ex. And he’s saying One is showing naked pictures of his girl to people everywhere, must not be everywhere, I’ve never seen them. But yeah, so yelling is done, One goes to pull away and his friend smashes One’s side mirror. Omg. Other shit happened, but honestly I just don’t care enough to post it all.
But yeah. Worst date ever.

Worse part about all this, I miss Repo Man. Wtf?

See You Later Space Cowboy…

Where did it go???

Where did all the romance in the world go??

I’ve been watching a lot of comedy romance movies lately, which being a single woman, is probably the worst thing I could ever do.

And yes, I am still single! I’m beginning to think Repo Man will never commit. Which, yeah, it’s only been a short while, but we’ve been acting like a couple. I thought. I guess not. He was talking about women just up and stopping all communication with him. Well, I think it might of been a little bit him.

Right now I guess we’re just friends with benefits. And I fucking hate that. I don’t want that. At all. And yet it’s what I’m doing. But let me talk about another guy, and Repo Man’s feelings get all hurt. Ya wanna own me like a boyfriend but ya don’t want the title. Not working for me.

And I know this post is probably another that’s going to hurt me rather than help me. But damn it I have feelings. And I just can’t say all this shit to him. Idk he kinda has this my way or high way thing about him. Although he has never said that or anything to the similar.
He really is a good guy. He’s just not my guy. And it’s bugging me.

Back to the romance thing. Where is the giddy infatuation you see in all of these movies?? The needing, the wanting, the thinking of each other until it drives ya crazy. Just not feeling it. Me and Repo Man are comfy together. But I don’t think he’d sing in the rain over me any time soon. Or write a love song. Or show up with flowers any time soon either.

And that is another thing. Another topic we hit on on our date. Past bitches ruining it for future girlfriends. One girl he use to see got sick, he sent her flowers, she quit talking to him the next day. So when I got sick all I got was a “feeling any better?” Two days later. WTF? I love flowers, I even press some, definitely take pictures and flood instagram and Twitter with them, with huge credit and I haven’t got any in omg I don’t know how long. Because past bitches fucked it up. I also enjoy card, stuffed animals won out of claw machines and fairs. Still nothing. Because all the past girlfriends messed it up.

I’m sure everyone has had a thing that a boyfriend/girlfriend won’t do that you enjoy because of their past girlfriends/boyfriends messed up on.

The first like 3 months are supposed to be the wooing months. And I just feel like I’m griping and clawing to hold on. I don’t want to feel like this. I want to feel safe and secure. Not that I’m one in a race of many for something that won’t be there in a few months.

I associate everything with songs. I want to feel like a love song. One of the fast ones that get you excited. Like “love you like a love song”, or some other song that I just don’t have in my head or heart right now. Yeah, I don’t have a song for me and Repo Man. And I’m lost. I’ve always had a song, for everyone. Everything. And there just aren’t any. And that again makes me grip and claw.

Where did the romance go? Do I deserve it? I see people much younger and older get it.

Why not me?

See You Later Space Cowboy…

Finally!! Some SEX!!

I had a date with Repo Man tonight. It started off with a “omg….. really??” He said our date would be us washing his dog. Um….. great date babe. Lol but after he picked me up we went to his house, where I met the cutest, sweetest puppy ever. Which came to me when ever Repo Man told him to do anything. Lol I played with the dog more than Repo Man. I love playing fetch with puppies. Bad thing is there wasn’t much room and my throws suck. So puppy was hitting walls a lot. Lol. And I stood by while Repo Man gave puppy a shower. Lol yep. My man is such a romantic. But he kinda is. He has the cheese factor sometimes. And we all know I love love love when guys are cheesy. After the puppy got dried off and also left a huge wet spot on the side of the couch, we got into some oh so nice heavy petting. I like when he kisses the side of my neck. It sends a shiver of excitement through my whole body. After we pulled ourselves off each other we went to eat at my favorite place in the world. I bragged about how many breadsticks I could eat, I greatly disappointed my record. And omg I went to wash my hands before we ate and when I got to the table he said ” you dropped your name tag” and laid a packet of sugar in front of me. See, cheese I like. Lol, it turned into a little joke throughout the night. After that we drove around for a while and ended up at this little ice cream “Shoppe”. It was really cute. With good shakes, lol. After that we went back to my place.

He’s a foot taller than me. When we kiss I have to stand as far up on tiptoes as I can. And I have stairs at my place. Lol I stand on the bottom step and I’m just as tall as him. Lol it’s cute that he doesn’t like it. I think he likes being the tall man towering over me.

After some more making out and feeling his hard cock. Mmm, lol we got up to my room. Oh he is so good at making me cum.

Started off riding him and he was almost too long for me. But oh he feels so good. I was getting really into it and he started spanking me. Omg, that pushed me over. His hand came down hard on my ass and my body just let go. I started cuming hard. It felt so good.  And of curse I’m selfish, 😉 so I just start riding him again. After I reach a second orgasm we switched and he was on top of me. I have to say, again I get a thrill out of it. So tall, strong and over powering. And the way he fucking moves! Grinding and twisting into me. It drives me insane. With all that and his hand on my throat, choking me, I lost it into another rolling orgasm. God can this guy fuck. And after that we switched again and he took me from behind. And I got to feel him pulse as he reached his own climax.

And I even got a few minutes of cuddles after. Lol.

One thing is I’m trying very hard not to become attached. Its not working as well as I’d like but I’m not going to let myself get hurt. But I really like him. So every time I open a little bit more and get more scared.

Wanting it to be more than sex, even if the sex is really really good.

See You Later Space Cowboy…

Awake at 630, oh god WHY??

I didn’t go to bed last night till about 230 or a little after. I wish I was still sleeping. But so is life.

Repo Man came over last night again. And we were both tired so just sitting and talking seemed straining. Lol. We ended up in my bedroom and after I put on a movie we tried hard as we could not to watch it. Lol.

We were making out (so high school lol) for idk how long. We were kissing, biting, clawing, and touching. Only thing is we didn’t have anything. Could have made a 5 minute run down to the gas station but noooo. Lol. So we just continued to torture each other.

Until I remembered that I had 2 or 3 condoms in one of my bedside tables. After that it got cute for a minute. The sheer awkwardness of it. We both wanted to, but neither knowing how to make the first move.

But after we did, it was spectacularly amazing. Just the feel of it at first. And the way he moved. It was driving me wild. I honestly couldn’t breathe when the first wave of orgasm rushed over me. And I know I let my mind wonder more than I should but after I came down from the first time I couldn’t help but think of how just his body and form were exciting me. This tall, strong man just taking me. And how I wanted more kissing. Lol. But then he started to move in new ways and the heat started rising again. And all over again my body gave in. We switched positions and he was behind me. I had one last orgasm and the rolling sent him into his own. Lol after we were done I just had to lay there. I didn’t want to move.

It was hot. Not just between us but the whole room. I think it added to everything. And his shyness too. But after I could have done some cuddling instead of talking back on the couch. Lol.

Sex changes people. Sad but true. Lol.

Completely different topic. I was able to make muffins today! Lol I’m excited. I hadn’t had a cupcake or muffin pan in a long time. And I got one for my birthday. Sad I had to wait till now to use it but I’m happy, lol.

See You Later Space Cowboy…

Well, glad that’s over.

I’m 85% better!! I know, ya missed me, my view tell me so :\. But anyways I went to ER yesterday and they gave me a very painful shot and 3 scripts to fill. Couldn’t find one of them. after going to like five different places I said fuck it, I’m going home. And that med was for the 15% that still isn’t better today. Go figure!

So I started feeling bad on Thursday night, go figure, Thursday was my birthday, so yay to me.

Friday my throat was hurting along with my back and head and everything else. I still had to do CC’s hair. And it wasn’t my best work. I couldn’t see straight. Sorry about that.

Repo Man came over both last night and Friday night. He brought me a yummy shake to help my throat, Ty 🙂

And I’m changing Captains name to Tiny. Because he reminds me of Tiny from house of a 1000 corpses. I haven’t heard much from him other than that I got him sick.

And here comes the part where I piss people off and they quit talking to me.

I’ve been on Okcupid for a while, don’t look me up, you won’t find me. And other than the couple of guys that I use to go to school with and put in the friend zone right off the bat I have been talking to two guys. Tiny and Repo Man.

One wants a quick get into it exclusive relationship while the other just wants to “see where it goes” while getting jealous when ever another man’s name is mentioned, I know right?

One I think is too young for me, still acts a little jockey but has priorities straight, as far as I can tell. The other would seem to act as mature as me, if his stories stayed straight. But he has a good strong head on his shoulders.

Both way taller than me. Huge plus . I got a “world’s shortest girl with world’s tallest guy” picture with one. The other I still want pictures with, but haven’t gotten .

Romance….. tough one. One a scale one has about a 4 the other about a 2. Both lower than what I’d like, lol. Hope that improves .

And I haven’t slept with either of them. So that doesn’t help at all. Lol.

See You Later Space Cowboy…