Nope. Yep. Maybe?

Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands? Nope. Should.
Close your eyes and trust it, just trust it Nope. Not Really.
Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air? No, but i Really Really Want to.
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said I just don’t care? YES! Lots of times. 

It’s only half past the point of no return Really? Is it?
The tip of the iceberg, the sun before the burn Ouch.

The thunder before the lightning, and the breath before the phrase Waiting…..
Have you ever felt this way? Yes, i have.

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone? OMG YES!!
Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you’re not alone Come on and RING!
Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry? No, not really.
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside? Yes…… didn’t end well.

It’s only half past the point of oblivion Ok….
The hourglass on the table, the walk before the run Warming up.
The breath before the kiss and the fear before the flames ………
Have you ever felt this way? Yeah, strangely i have.

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la La La LA LA
There you are, sitting in the garden I see you
Clutching my coffee, calling me sugar Aw.
You called me sugar SUGAAAAAARRRRRRRR
No no no no no no No way.

Have you ever wished for an endless night? Yep
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight Um, No
Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself ………..
Will it ever get better than tonight? Tonight Yep and the answer is most often No.

 

This is what goes though my head when ever i here this song. its sad that my brain is just THAT sarcastic.

Well, another day without a spank…

Hello all my little stems. hee hee i just made that up, you guys, the people that read this, cherries have stems, lol oh i crack myself up!  

Anyways i went on my date. i gave it a 3 out of 10. i’m sorry Hazard. but i didn’t feel that magical gotta have me longing  that i’ve been looking for. the lust of it. there wasn’t anything really, it kinda sucks. There was no “omg i just can’t take my eyes off you, i gotta have ya” feeling at all. We went bowling as planned, and then out to eat, then just walking around stores. it was boring. Sorry, but it was. I also got no play really. it was too stiff and just like friends in the biggest space of friend zoned hanging out together. i even did all the triggers to tell a guy to touch me, bump into him here, rub on him there. nothing. until i said hey touch me! and then i got a 2 second shoulder arm thing and a 5 second hand hold. i would have liked it to be more planned out, and so far in all my relationships i did the planning, i’m done with planning everything. it is the guys job to wow me just as much mine to wow him, not 70-30. and i didn’t even get a kiss out of it.

Oh *sigh* i haven’t felt a guy truly lusting after me since Morbius. Bad thing was, when i could have him, i didn’t want him. He had really bad breath back then. lol. But now he’s thousands of miles away and there is no chance. 

I guess i just have to wait, and waiting sucks, I need some hard sex damn it.

A little bit of…

Hey guys, sorry, no video today. and i want to say one sad thing, and then on to my life ok?

Sad thing, one of the last fights i had with beast he said that i never went to visit him on my days off. he’s right, i didn’t. feel kinda stupid now, but none really at all to worry about it anymore. just a little thing that was nagging me that i had to get out of my head.

Ok, now all of you are going to think i’m a slut or something, but come one, who out there hasn’t had this kinda luck? I have a date tomorrow! lol, and i stopped by his work today to kinda scope him out, oh and before you think i’m creepy stalker he said he wanted me to stop by, lol. but yeah so i get there, i know it’s him but he didn’t know it was me, lol hair color changes everything, lol. and we got to talk for all of a minute, i have to say, he looks like a built body builder. Mmm, lol.  We use to go to high school together. I know right? but anyways, he’s a lot more normal than i remember. i remember him being a little weird back then. but i guess we’ll see how normal tomorrow, lol. Anyways, i gotta get dinner ready just wanted to drop in. Oh and i guess he’ll need a name…. We’ll call him…… Hazard. i have my own A D D reasons for that,  lol

What am i feeling?

Can some one tell me?

I really dont know.

After Beast sounding like i was the last person in the world he wanted to even talk to even before i told him to come get his stuff i knew, we were not ever going to work out.

It really just leaves me setting just here.

I wanna cut and bleach my hair.

I want to scream.

I want some one to take a hard paddle to my ass so hard it makes me cry.

Because i think that would be the only way i would be able to cry. I dont feel sad. Maybe i had a sad thought, just a thought when i turned on my phone and saw the picture of me and him as my lock screen. I changed it. Feeling gone. Now i just feel like i really want a good beating. No sex. Just the hard hit of a paddle across me, anywhere. Just so i’d be forced to cry. I could listen to a couple of songs, maybe get a few tears out, but it’ll be hard. I’ll probably miss him tomorrow when i’m setting here, but not now. I’m so fucking sick of all of his bullshit. He didn’t even know i was mad and done today and just me talking to him pissed him off. Really?? Who the fuck does that? I was sick of him, he was most defiantly sick of me.

I dont have anyone that i can tell exactly what i’m feeling. my feelings would hurt feelings. if that makes any since.

And again my birthday is gonna suck this year.

Ok, not enough kink.

just realized i just posted stuff about being a mom. i’m not ok with that. And i also realized i hadn’t posted about mine and Beast’s last encounter. this is suppose to be about my love of his big dick and my hopes for future encounters.

But sadly i dont remember everything about it, lol. i remember the thing he said that i wasn’t suppose to call him Sir anymore. I really dont know how i feel about that. in the bedroom he earns it.

there is no time ever where i feel as sexy as i do when he has me tied to the bed and him spanking me then rubbing the red skin of my ass.

with our song playing and him talking like the devil to me, giving me orders and punishing me when they’re not carried out right.

there is once fantasy that i have even though i know it will never be acted out.

i’m tied to the bed, Blindfolded. stomach down, ass propped up in the air. Beast’s hands start rubbing my ass, then his hands are gone and then SMACK! a hard wide paddle across my ass. i hear him say in that oh so hot voice. “move and it’s double punishment” (he says that anyways and it always makes me melt). after about 30 spanks i feel his hands rub me again. telling me how good i’m being. then without setting my hands free, he flips me over, my arms crossing in a way that pins my head down, barely able to breath. and i feel long stinging burning whip across my tits. another and another. stopping only smack my tits with his strong hands. tears streaming. begging him for more and more. “someone’s being a greedy little bitch tonight” ( hee hee just thinking of him saying that gives me chills) getting swift fast swats across my whole body. finally he hits my legs apart and pushes them up to my chest as he takes me deep and hard. shoving his wide cock into me over and over, deeper and deeper, only stopping to smack my tits or bite my leg. i can never last long when he has my legs up like that. and when i cum it takes everything out of me. and he’s always nice enough to stop but in my fantasy he doesn’t stop, he tells me he isn’t done with me. he keeps going. he tells me that i’m a selfish bad girl and i’m going to be greatly punish for not begging permission to cum.  of course after hearing something like that i’d want to do anything to please him.

but maybe thats for another post, some of the things i want him to do to me i’m not sure if i want out there. like knife play. i have had one fantisy and no one has ever even wanted to try it.

Life as a Working Mom

Every mom who is working has had trouble. they have seen things that would make grown men scream with fear.

Every mom has had her room used a grand central station. toys on there floor, clothes piled everywhere, some kind of sticky purple goo stuck in the carpet.

but some times i don’t feel the loving mother roll. ya know? when the sink is piled high and the laundry baskets overflowing. sometimes i even feel disconnected at meals.

but then are sometimes that feeling just jumps in and i smile. like a couple of minutes ago just fishing a pair of shorts out of the dryer for Brat i felt like a mom, and a good one. but i find it funny how that works. i don’t get it. but i’m crazy.

Had to go get a couple of things and it wasn’t bad. sometimes when we go out i and exhausted when we get home.

like yesterday. it was a bad day for all. we couldn’t go and do one thing we do once a month because i got the date wrong. yay. and me and the girls went to the river again. it wasn’t the magical place that we had went to a couple of times before. the water wasn’t crystal clear as before. it was greenish brown and murky. it kinda made my mood more sullen then before. and Rat fell in the water. we were close together, i took two sets away and bent down to look at some fish swimming and heard a “splash” and turned around and Rat was standing there soaking wet head to toe. all but a small spot on her back,  She was fine, just wet. so we had a baby wearing only a diaper on the ride home. And on the way home Brat just wasn’t listening. she wanted to go her own way and making all the wrong turns and just fighting thinking she knew what was best. we fought the whole way home. she wanted to make a turn and i yelled at her to turn around and go the way we had to. she did a grumpy hissy fit turn and turned the whole bike over. falling to the ground. which bent her back tire. and causing the chain to fall off. she’s 8 and thinks she knows everything. oh we were just butting heads none stop. after we got home Rat got in the bath and Brat to her room. then, i felt like a run down just beat up person. nothing like a loving mom at all.

today has gone better. being a mom has bad days and good days.

sorry just had to get that all out there.

Kink of the Week: Hoods.

Hey everyone. CC’s page had this nifty little Kink of the Week thing on it and she said it was easy to do. I think this will be a Saturday thing for us. I wanna start having different days be different things instead of me just blogging when i feel like it. Also i think i will start doing a video dare blog on……… Thursdays. So new video every Thursday of just me or me and Beast or CC doing stupid YouTube dares. So if ya have a dare ya want me to do leave a comment below. But look at me getting so off topic.

Here is my Saturday Kink of the Week.

Today’s word is HOODS! that’s right the things you wear over your heads during foreplay and/or sex. not the little flap of skin covering the clit. i know, i was confused too at first. And a bit disappointed after. Now me myself have never tried them, never wore them, so i guess i can’t knock them. i have seen alot of them though thanks to fetlife. And i must say there are some that scare the crap outta me. see, that’s just kinda creepy to me. If it turns others on, more power to ya, just not my thing. Although there are some that i find cute.  See, a cute little bunny. Cute and sexy bdsm rolled into one. Who could beat that? Well, ok, there was probably a guy waiting behind the camera ready to beat the bunny. but hey, we know they were probably very hoppy about it. …………….. nothing? ok well moving on.

As i’ve said i have never used anything like a Hood and probably never will. most i can do is a blindfold. But that’s just alrighty fine if someone else likes them.

BTW all pictures were taken from google on count of me having to google the word to know just which Hood they were talking about.

 

So much, I think it must be True Love

Omg work for the last 3 days has been a blast! I’ve been rocking it with stocking today, yesterday went by super fast and day before that I was cutting keys, chains, and rope from time I got there till time I left. Even re keyed a deadbolt. It’s been pretty good. AND I got about 40 extra bucks on my check than last time. SWEET!

Oh gosh, so much has happened. Since i last blogged. Beast came over about midnight Tuesday night, We had our oh, hello, missed you. then we fought. fought Wednesday morning, but oh wed night. We flat out got our feelings out there, and after it was just love love love.

He was sweet, he laughed, he joked, he was my Jacob again. lol

A little back story. In middle school, we went out, once, talked on the phone all the time. it ended and then years later i was his first kiss. Then that ended. Now, i’m his everything. lol. well that’s how he made me feel yesterday and today anyways, lol.

But back between the first middle school and now i read the Twilight books. in the 2nd book they talked about Jacob Black. and my mental picture of Jacob Black was Beast. and i had seen recent pictures of Beast with longish shaggy hair when the books were describing Jacob Black the same way in the 3rd and 4th books. He has been my warm furry cuddly beastly werewolf ever since. We weren’t even talking or knew what the other was doing around this time. But in my mind, i wanted him, i wanted him to hold me. To cuddle me. To be my werewolf, my Beast.

Ok, now back to yesterday. Poor guy, he tries. We tried to go bowling, it was closed. Damn. lol. But there was a walmart right near by, and even though it was walmart, it was fun. HE GOT ME A BUBBA!!! i’d been wanting one since he left his here for a week. but his is huge, and manly. i wanted one a little smaller. and pink or purple. I got one about a pound lighter and pink! lol. i love it. Took it to work. It kept my drink cold. Me and Beast walked around, played with stuff, looked at movies, hunting stuff and talked. Held hands, kissed, even though he hates PDA. it was so nice! It’s been a while since we just got out and just been fun together.

BTW! Beast, putt putt, arby’s and custard. Hee, i just added that last part.

We then picked up the girls and got McDonalds. Played video games. Then the girls went to bed. then we played video games alone. DBZ 3. I beat him!!!!! once. Then he kicked my ass, again, and again, and again….. but the time i beat him was like HA! SUCK ON THAT!

After he beat my ass in video games he beast my ass in the bedroom. that is after i drove him crazy while sucking his cock while he was was trying to beat a hard level for me. lol.

I love being tied to the bed. it’s just the feeling of being under his control. Although the whole Sir thing is out right now. He said for me to call him “honey”. LOL!!! Sorry but that reminded me of P!nks’s Glitter in the air. Calling me sugar! HE CALLED ME SUGAAAARRRRRRRRRR!!!! lol.

Ok sexy gone now….. Tella ya more later.

I went to the doctor today. He was nice, first time seeing him. Said i ether have a thyroid problem or carpeltunnle.(I know spelled wrong) See, my arm went numb. my left arm, 3 fingers and half of the lower part of it. And my lips too. Just numb. It started yesterday morning at work. I Didn’t tell Beast because, well, just didn’t. But i have to take these pills and got blood taken from me. lol 3 vials. those vampires. lol. But yeah, gotta wait for test results. If thats bad, and pills dont work then surgery. YAY! Lets all hope. Oh the lips thing he said was stress. well.

I hope you liked what you read.

See You Later Space Cowboy…

PMS WEEK!!!! Or Night.

ok, so here is the deal, ya’ll let me rant on the topics of which i wish to rant and then i swear i will not complain on my next 2 blog posts. yay! lol.

ok, item 1. CC’s life. i’m gonna just throw it out there. Sorry CC, if ya want me to edit, ttm. ok, well her dom, she has to call him master, i wont cap anything because, well, i dont think that highly of him, and dom will be the best he gets called by me, ANYWAYS her dom had had another “slave” behind CC’s back. CC found out and after the lies she contacted the other “slave” well , they tell him they know bout each other, it works for all of a second, he gets bored, and drops the 2nd “slave”. well 2nd wont leave CC alone. Comments on everything, overly “helpful”. and the “help” is unwanted. she told CC to tell ALL of her fb friends all her business and then beg for help. Also offering her mom’s house with out even asking her mom. 2nd is 22, young, and extremely stupid. plus the girl needs to quit thinking she’s all that. i dont know how she got guys to do anything with her. i’ve seen her. dog face is too easy a term.

 

item 2. electric wheel chairs in stores. i get so sick of people who dont need to use them, using them. i hate seeing people walk in from half across the parking lot, get on one then when ever they wanna browse around just getting up and walking up and down a isle just to set back down in it and ride to the next isle then get right back up. i’m sorry but it pisses me off. where i work we have four. and i refuse to wait on anyone after i’ve seen them riding one then get up and walk around. sorry but your lazy ass can just go find it ya own damn self. we also have a woman that works same place i do that uses one every so often. from her waist up she’s maybe a small large in size, but from there down she probably wears size 40 pants. i’ve seen that bitch walk all through the store, and every so often she uses one. “because she’s just too tired” to walk from the front door to the back room. bitch if ya’d walk a little bit more, and lay off the cupcakes (she brings maybe 3 a day to work) your fat ass might lose some weight. ya thinks?

 

item 3. stupid fucking dollar store razors. i’ve cut my legs to hell with them, not even gonna talk bout the nana. i can’t afford the good kind, but damn, i mean come on. at least you could curve the blade a little bit more. and i get hacked up why? for one fucking day a week. so not worth it. not to me.

 

item 4 cuts, i have a cut on the inside of my mouth and i have no fucking clue how to help it. it rubs on my dentures all day, and hurts like hell when i move my mouth. i take my teeth out of a night but i’m not going to work like that. so it hurts, i can’t put a&e on it or anything. it sucks.

 

wow, his late is early to me. it’s midnight, he just showed up, and i was thinking maybe 3 if not later.

well…..

Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, WordPress

if you have words or tags like this in your blog your webs hits will skyrocket, for like a day. I got 37 views in one day from doing this, aside from my regular 17. I’ve been working and suches, i’ve been so busy i forget to blog. lol. couple of things i wanna say before i go make dinner.

This is what cools me down after getting pissed off. i like to blog. people may not read or like my blog, but it’s mine. say what i want. lol. and i am hoping to have some sexy dish for you guys after tomorrow night, yay yay yay, sexes for me!! lol, it’s pretty much a given when Beast is over.

ok, so remind me to talk about CC when i have some time, i have a rant that need ranting.

But dinner needs made, will blog later!